To the person who tries to help too much

I’ve always been a “fixer”.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have put myself smack dab in the middle of other peoples problems with the intent of “helping them” work it out.

I did it with my family.

I do it with friends.

I cling to people who need help. There’s something about pouring myself into others that makes me feel a little less broken.

If you’re like me – or other “Enneagram 2s” – you’ll understand how hard it is to not get “too involved” in other peoples problems. As Christians we are called to a life of service to others. For us “fixers”, this can seem like a dream role.

Yet, we can also use this role as a cover for an unhealthy need to be needed. We can actually serve others to the detriment of ourselves. While no where in the Bible does it tell us to put ourselves above others, it also doesnt say its our job to fix people either.

The other day, I was in a situation with a friend that has been going through a rough time. She has some intense health issues that have kept her just about locked in her house for the last year and a half. Because she is constantly feeling bad and has to see doctors more than she sees friends and family, she has gone to a dark place from time to time. Its been so hard for me to watch her struggle and suffer constantly. I’ve tried to be there to support her as best as I could, but I have struggled to know what my role is.

She needs emotional support, but where do I draw the line?

Is it rude if I dont respond to a text immediately?

What if she gets depressed, decides to hurt herself and I don’t get to her in time? What will I do then?

I’ve prayed more times than I have hairs on my head. I’ve text & talked with her several times a day for the last year. We stay in constant communication. Yet, the changes made have been slow and the process grueling.

In a way, and maybe you can relate to this, when our paths crossed I unconsciously took her healing upon myself. I made it my mission to pray her into health. To the point that I felt guilt if I let 5 minutes go by before responding to a text message. In the process of supporting her through this dark season, I forgot that while I can be a part of her healing… I am not the healer.

These types of belief systems are sneaky. I never actively told myself I was responsible for her emotional well being, though, my behavior told a different story. My inability to let the phone ring while I was at work should’ve cued me into how badly I like being needed. As I’ve realized this recently, there was a day a few weeks ago where I was confronted with a choice.

My friend was in a dark place, crying out to The Lord, texting me and begging for help. So, I sat there and didnt respond immediately. I prayed and waited and no words came to me to encourage her. So, I said “Lord, she is yours. She is your daughter. YOU have to help her. You have to heal her. I can’t do anything here. You need to do something.”

About 15 minutes later, more text messages rolled in. I assumed they were more desperate pleas for reassurance, though I was surprised when I saw what she said. She had been watching CBN network during Rosh Hashanah. During the live prayer broadcast, thousands of prayer requests were coming in through the internet, phone calls and who knows where else. Miraculously, through Gods precious grace and mercy, CBN chose my friends prayer request, put it on the air and prayed for her on the spot. The woman who prayed spoke so much life into her. She prayed things that spoke directly to the fears and pain Angel had been feeling. We both wept and shouted and praised Jesus.

While that moment did so much for Angel, it did something for me too. It showed me Jesus is trustworthy. It showed me I can give my anxieties to Him and let Him handle them. It showed me He is truly in control and I don’t have to be. That moment showed me how much He loves Angel…. and how much He loves me.

Friend, if you find yourself in situations where you feel like it’s more than you can handle, give it over to Jesus. Tell Him you cant handle it and let Him show you how He can. If you find yourself not being able to say no and feel like you have to support people beyond what you are able to, set that weight down. Let Jesus do what you cant. Let Him fill those broken places that cry out for assurance and significance.

If there is one thing I have learned from this whole situation, it’s that I wasn’t made to do everything. I wasn’t made to bear the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wasn’t made to solve everyone’s problems. Simply put, I am not God.

Learning my limitations has been a humbling but reassuring process. It’s shown me that I need to rely more on Jesus than I realized. It’s shown me when I do…. things work out way better in the end!

🕊♥ Beloved Rejoice

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