God loves you too much to give you all the answers

I have loved writing for as long as I can remember. I’ve kept diaries and written poetry since I was a little girl. Writing has always been a sacred past time for me. To this day, I have a diary in my bedside dresser from when I was in middle school. I treasure those memories and the ability to relive some of the most impactful days of my life.

Around six years ago, this beloved hobby turned into a passion. It turned into a calling. It became something more than I ever imagined it could be. It was at that time I realized I wanted to share my writing with the world. I decided to take this precious gift from the “dark room” of my notepad to the very public and very scary world of the internet.

I realized this gift was never meant to be hoarded. It was meant to be a magnet, ever drawing people out of darkness towards the light of Jesus Christ. What did that mean exactly? Well, for the longest time I thought I was meant to write books. I was determined to write books. I took writing courses online, went to conferences, pitched my book to publishers and more.

Nothing happened.

The more I let my gift drip though my fingertips to the tear soaked pages of my journals, the more I knew those tears had meaning. Other people were crying too. Other people needed hope. I knew I had to do something.

I kept trying and failing. So I tried harder. Then I failed more. I received more rejection letters for book proposals than I have hairs on my head (well, maybe not that many but its been A LOT). I’ve been so frustrated with God. I’ve yelled and cried and fought with Him, wondering why on earth He gave me this gift if He never intended for me to share it? What’s the point Lord? Why write if only my mom sees it? (Mom, I love you. No offense, but a girls gotta dream!)

For years, I’ve watched friends get publishing contracts and write posts that go viral over night. I’ve seen reality TV stars come into book contracts that they have no intent to use for anything other than self promotion. Again, I wondered why? Why give me this passion & no avenue to share it? Why give me this drive to change the world with my words? What is the point to it all?

Then one day it dawned on me, because God loves me (and you) He doesn’t give us all the answers. God’s two main objectives for creating humans are real authentic love and worship. He made us to be in relationship with Him and to spend our lives basking in the glory of His presence. Because He is a God of love, He is also a God of choice. He gave us the ability to choose to love Him or not, because only in a world where choice exists does real love exists.

What that means for us is, God cant give us all wisdom or full revelation of Himself on planet earth or that would negate our ability to choose. If He completely revealed Himself to us in the flesh or gave us all knowledge so we could see things as He does, we would lose the opportunity to have faith i.e. lose our ability to decide what we believe and act on it. If we posses all wisdom, we don’t have to make a choice, the truth is fully revealed and laid out before us.

So the fact that God allows us to struggle, strain and wrestle with Him to figure things out is the most loving thing He could do. That act in and of itself proves He loves us because he could very easily force us to follow Him in blind allegiance if He wanted to.

While I have been frustrated with God about my writing career not taking off, I have also learned very valuable lessons about His character, like this one. Through this time of waiting, I’ve been faced with a million opportunities to turn from Him in my despair or to trust His word and turn to Him.

Each choice, each decision, another step of faith stacked on top of the last one God presented me with until a mountain of evidence supporting the faithfulness of God arose, filling my heart with overflowing joy. Its been in these times of waiting that I’ve seen Him show up. He may not have answered my prayer for a book contract, but He answered a million others that were far more pressing. He showed me that my desperate desire to be liked by people would have been the death of me had I ever stepped into the spotlight before The Lord dealt with it.

So, the strange thing about God is, some of the things that appear most frustrating about Him are actually tiny evidences of His gracious heart towards His children. I would wait a thousand centuries for a book contract, or any other dream, if it meant my Savior valued my free will and the integrity of our relationship. The fact that the God of the universe honors me by daring to give me the right to choose is far beyond anything I could expect to come to a sinful creature such as myself. It’s truly a gift. It is a gift that is worth waiting for.

❤ AKH

6 thoughts on “God loves you too much to give you all the answers

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  1. Hi Miss Amanda.

    I’m glad that you are feeling so blessed that you’re not too bothered about the book contract. I honestly don’t think they are all that people imagine them to be, anyway. Isn’t it more valuable to nurture relationships with community (either a real community, or a virtual community like WordPress), than to receive recognition that would probably only cause stress and pride? I mean, I’m sure you’re not motivated by money or worldly praise, so how would you explain your desire for a book deal? I’m curious, now, especially because I write books myself.

    Oh, and the free will / love thing. That’s a tough one. My personal belief is that God is sovereign over all events and we don’t have free will. But I’ll spare you the theological debate, unless, of course, you would welcome it!

    Peace and blessings 🙂

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    1. Hi Steven, thanks for your comment. I wouldn’t say that I am motivated by money through I’d be lying if I didn’t say a part of my flesh would enjoy recognition. I’ve definitely worked on killing that desperate need for approval from men but it’s something I’ll always struggle with.
      As for the “we don’t have free will response”. I would love to hear your take on that. I believe God is sovereign & I also believe we have to have free will, otherwise we imply that it is Gods will that we sin. Which the Bible clearly states it isn’t. So, what are your thoughts.

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      1. Hi Amanda,

        I appreciate what you’re saying about the desire for recognition. It’s something I sometimes wrestle with as well. But I think that having worked some really stressful jobs in the heart of the music industry, I’ve come to value peace above all else. And relationship over recognition. But I respect everyone is different and would never judge you. I appreciate your honesty.

        Ah, great, you’re up for discussing free will! My perspective is that the being of God is boundless, and extends to every area of creation (He is omnipresent). In this context, everything in creation can be understood to be within the being of God, and it logically follows from this that everything is under God’s control. I believe that God beats my heart, circulates my blood, grows my hair — He is that involved in my life. “Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet” as Alfred Tennyson once said.

        When Christians pray, they will say things like “God, please plant me in the right church” or “God, please bless my marriage” which to me shows that they implicitly acknowledge God is unfolding all the events of their lives.

        Regarding sin, I believe everything that Christians describe as sinful is under God’s control. 100%. I think this is an area where Biblical theology is not so clear. Now, I know that if you have a high view of the Bible you will be reeling at that statement, but my view of God is higher than my view of the Bible. I wouldn’t blindly believe something I read in the Bible if I felt it was contrary to Truth, as that would mean living a lie, which surely one shouldn’t do.

        The Bible isn’t a black and white book, where everything is either true or false, which is a truth illustrated by the fact that Christians rarely agree upon any matter of doctrine.

        Thoughts?

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        1. Steven, I agree with you on God being omnipresent. I believe He is also omnipotent. All things are from Him, through Him and to Him (Romans 11:36). Though, I do cringe at the idea of creating theology outside of the book God gave us to understand Himself. Jesus said “I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the life.” Colossians 2 also says “In Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom & knowledge”. We cannot seek to understand Christ away from His words about Himself or we will create an untrue belief system about the God who died so we could know Him. But you are correct, MANY Christians today don’t value the word of God over their own opinions so we end up with rampant sin, idol worship and twisted theology throughout the church. That isn’t the Bible’s fault. It isn’t Gods fault. It is OUR fault for daring to believe we know better than Him & could possibly say things to be true of Him that He didn’t not tell us about Himself. I encourage you to read the Bible cover to cover. Genesis to Revelation. I read a lot of the Bible in my 20s but it wasn’t until I started this journey of reading the entire bible & letting Gods words form my theology that I saw how flawed my theology truly was. He is a good Father. Let Him be the foundation of all you believe.

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